The 7, 35 and 13 year old versions of me all walked towards the man that stood in front and embraced them. Simultaneously, in all times and spaces I said, “Please forgive me, I beg that you forgive me. By hurting you, I have now only hurt myself,”
“I will never choose violence as a way to respond to any situation,” I said in all times and spaces.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. As I opened them, I found myself back in the seat of my car.
I realized I was on the subway train making stops at different times in my life. What I did not understand was how I managed to do that without being in a creative state of mind nor physically creating a pathway with my spray can. I was on to something.
Then, while continuing my self-introspecting something clicked – things started to make sense. I understood that all the diverse life lessons I was obtaining in my past, present and future moments, were starting to point directly at one bigger lesson, self-accountability in everything.
How can I love a woman if I still have no clue how to love myself? How can I give advise to my younger brother of what’s best for him if I myself do not know what’s the best for me? How can I speak to my entire family and ask for their help if I myself am not willing to help myself? How can I begin to untangle all of this that I am going through if I can’t even start to untangle my own personal issues? How am I going to raise my son when I myself am still acting and being a child myself? How can I be a part of the Sacred who is a bridge from Earth to the spirit realm if I am not in touch with either my physical lest alone my spiritual side? How can I help defeat the Voice if I myself summon him every day?
It all points to one answer – start by being accountable of my own actions and consequences. The one responsible for me being here and in this situation is none other than me – I am responsible for my current state of being.
I started to breath heavily and with strenuous effort I said, “And I do – I take full responsibility for my actions and consequences,”
I began to shake. Saying those words out loud with commitment was very taxing on me but I was now feeling optimistic and envisioned my next step.
“I’m going to follow my father’s previous advice, to diagram my situation and take notes. I need to organize my thoughts, my feelings and emotions with the aim to be crystal clear of what it is I want in life for myself.” I said under my breath. “Once I write all that information down, I can begin to work towards obtaining that which I desire and want,”
“Otherwise, the spirit and mind will by default do what you’re asking them to do – nothing,” I said to myself as I caressed my face.
∞
Page 50
“I will never choose violence as a way to respond to any situation,” I said in all times and spaces.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. As I opened them, I found myself back in the seat of my car.
I realized I was on the subway train making stops at different times in my life. What I did not understand was how I managed to do that without being in a creative state of mind nor physically creating a pathway with my spray can. I was on to something.
Then, while continuing my self-introspecting something clicked – things started to make sense. I understood that all the diverse life lessons I was obtaining in my past, present and future moments, were starting to point directly at one bigger lesson, self-accountability in everything.
How can I love a woman if I still have no clue how to love myself? How can I give advise to my younger brother of what’s best for him if I myself do not know what’s the best for me? How can I speak to my entire family and ask for their help if I myself am not willing to help myself? How can I begin to untangle all of this that I am going through if I can’t even start to untangle my own personal issues? How am I going to raise my son when I myself am still acting and being a child myself? How can I be a part of the Sacred who is a bridge from Earth to the spirit realm if I am not in touch with either my physical lest alone my spiritual side? How can I help defeat the Voice if I myself summon him every day?
It all points to one answer – start by being accountable of my own actions and consequences. The one responsible for me being here and in this situation is none other than me – I am responsible for my current state of being.
I started to breath heavily and with strenuous effort I said, “And I do – I take full responsibility for my actions and consequences,”
I began to shake. Saying those words out loud with commitment was very taxing on me but I was now feeling optimistic and envisioned my next step.
“I’m going to follow my father’s previous advice, to diagram my situation and take notes. I need to organize my thoughts, my feelings and emotions with the aim to be crystal clear of what it is I want in life for myself.” I said under my breath. “Once I write all that information down, I can begin to work towards obtaining that which I desire and want,”
“Otherwise, the spirit and mind will by default do what you’re asking them to do – nothing,” I said to myself as I caressed my face.
∞
Page 50
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