My son had just been born. I was now a father and three-quarters of the way to being a high school graduate. As I held my son in my arms, something pulled me to take him to Juarez, MX so he could meet his grandfather. My family and I were living in El Paso, Texas at the time and I truly had no idea of the whereabouts of my father. I had not spoken to him in several months and when I had it had been a very short conversation – I was still upset and bitter about the upbringing he gave my sisters and I. Yet something about Isaias being born, I yearned to see my father and introduce him to his new grandson.
My mother was next to me and she must have noticed that I was somewhere else mentally because she asked, “Everything ok son?” “Are you nervous about being a father?”
“No mom, I was just thinking about my dad, I would like for him to meet Isaias.” I said as I struggled for the words to come out.
My mother’s eyes widened and her black eye shadow and eyeliner also intensified. Her eyes filled with tears. She was not happy with my thoughts. “Look mom, I know he put you through a lot, heck he put the entire family through a lot, but I feel this anxiety-like feeling that I want – no that I need Isaias to meet his grandfather.”
“I’m going to do this for you and for Isaias,” she said clearing her throat and wiping the tears. “I’ll find your dad, don’t you worry about that. I’ve done it in the past I can do it again!” She said with a half smile. “Do you remember when I would take you and your friends to go look for him at the bars, since he would spend all his paycheck drinking?” She continued.
“Yes mom, I remember but that’s all in the past, lets move forward and work at balancing our lives.” I said. I essentially lied through my teeth – I was holding on to the past as if it was my present – I could not move forward but I hid it. I tucked it away in front of everybody because I was the oldest of the boys and I wanted my three older sisters to have a man to talk to specially that I was now a father.
“We can choose to be happy mom, I choose happiness from here on,” I said as I walked away with my son in my arms
As I approached his mother to hand him over to her, I gave him a last snuggle and whispered in his ear, “Its you and me son, the family patterns and issues end here - we’ll make this right.”
∞
Page 1
We all squeezed into my mother’s 1970 Ford Mustang. It was a mix of old flaky red orange paint, oxidized metal and the original color, which was yellow. She had given it to me as a gift after finding out I was going to be a father. My younger brother Josh, my then partner Sylvia, our son Isaias and my mother all took the drive from El Paso to Juarez, MX. As I drove, my mother gave me the directions. “Look at this son of a bitch! He is acting like someone told him he has inherited millions of dollars and is now on route to get it!” She yelled at the top of her lungs as a motorist cut us off at a high speed. “You need to drive with both hands on the wheel son.” She said as she lowered the volume of the stereo.
My mom was a bit nervous when it came to driving, but her comments and dialogue would always make me laugh, they were just funny to me.
Even if I wanted to drive fast, the car was so old and in such poor condition that if I went over 55 miles per hour the entire car would shake and the steering wheel would get really hard to manage.
It didn’t help that as we went further into the hills of Juarez the roads were – well, rocks and dirt. So the car began to feel like a roller coaster. But, we finally made it to my grandmother Antonia’s house. My mother had made some calls and she found out through one of my aunts that my father had been staying there.
As I parked the Red Demon, as I had named the car, my father opened the door to the house and slowly walked towards us.
“Hey son, good to see you – Good to see you Licho.” He said as he observed everybody that was getting out of the car. Licho was a nickname that he had given my mother when they were younger, which was short for Luisa, my mother’s name.
Something was different this time around, my father had a glow to his being. He seemed at peace. I did not agree with that but there was someone next to me that truly did not agree with what she saw and she was ready for war. “How could you be smiling and so chill after everything you put us through!” My mother exclaimed. I had to hold her back, she became enraged from one moment to the next. Her chest stuck out and her arms were sprawled out ready to attack.
“Licho, we are now divorced, that which you talk about is now the past. Let it go,” my father said crossing his arms. “Look, I’m going back inside, I need to get Gibran a gift that I have been meaning to give to him, I’ll be back.” He went back inside.
I looked at my mom then observed my brother and Sylvia, both of them were nervous and had no clue what had just happened. Isaias slept in peace inside the car seat.
Page 2
My mother was next to me and she must have noticed that I was somewhere else mentally because she asked, “Everything ok son?” “Are you nervous about being a father?”
“No mom, I was just thinking about my dad, I would like for him to meet Isaias.” I said as I struggled for the words to come out.
My mother’s eyes widened and her black eye shadow and eyeliner also intensified. Her eyes filled with tears. She was not happy with my thoughts. “Look mom, I know he put you through a lot, heck he put the entire family through a lot, but I feel this anxiety-like feeling that I want – no that I need Isaias to meet his grandfather.”
“I’m going to do this for you and for Isaias,” she said clearing her throat and wiping the tears. “I’ll find your dad, don’t you worry about that. I’ve done it in the past I can do it again!” She said with a half smile. “Do you remember when I would take you and your friends to go look for him at the bars, since he would spend all his paycheck drinking?” She continued.
“Yes mom, I remember but that’s all in the past, lets move forward and work at balancing our lives.” I said. I essentially lied through my teeth – I was holding on to the past as if it was my present – I could not move forward but I hid it. I tucked it away in front of everybody because I was the oldest of the boys and I wanted my three older sisters to have a man to talk to specially that I was now a father.
“We can choose to be happy mom, I choose happiness from here on,” I said as I walked away with my son in my arms
As I approached his mother to hand him over to her, I gave him a last snuggle and whispered in his ear, “Its you and me son, the family patterns and issues end here - we’ll make this right.”
∞
Page 1
We all squeezed into my mother’s 1970 Ford Mustang. It was a mix of old flaky red orange paint, oxidized metal and the original color, which was yellow. She had given it to me as a gift after finding out I was going to be a father. My younger brother Josh, my then partner Sylvia, our son Isaias and my mother all took the drive from El Paso to Juarez, MX. As I drove, my mother gave me the directions. “Look at this son of a bitch! He is acting like someone told him he has inherited millions of dollars and is now on route to get it!” She yelled at the top of her lungs as a motorist cut us off at a high speed. “You need to drive with both hands on the wheel son.” She said as she lowered the volume of the stereo.
My mom was a bit nervous when it came to driving, but her comments and dialogue would always make me laugh, they were just funny to me.
Even if I wanted to drive fast, the car was so old and in such poor condition that if I went over 55 miles per hour the entire car would shake and the steering wheel would get really hard to manage.
It didn’t help that as we went further into the hills of Juarez the roads were – well, rocks and dirt. So the car began to feel like a roller coaster. But, we finally made it to my grandmother Antonia’s house. My mother had made some calls and she found out through one of my aunts that my father had been staying there.
As I parked the Red Demon, as I had named the car, my father opened the door to the house and slowly walked towards us.
“Hey son, good to see you – Good to see you Licho.” He said as he observed everybody that was getting out of the car. Licho was a nickname that he had given my mother when they were younger, which was short for Luisa, my mother’s name.
Something was different this time around, my father had a glow to his being. He seemed at peace. I did not agree with that but there was someone next to me that truly did not agree with what she saw and she was ready for war. “How could you be smiling and so chill after everything you put us through!” My mother exclaimed. I had to hold her back, she became enraged from one moment to the next. Her chest stuck out and her arms were sprawled out ready to attack.
“Licho, we are now divorced, that which you talk about is now the past. Let it go,” my father said crossing his arms. “Look, I’m going back inside, I need to get Gibran a gift that I have been meaning to give to him, I’ll be back.” He went back inside.
I looked at my mom then observed my brother and Sylvia, both of them were nervous and had no clue what had just happened. Isaias slept in peace inside the car seat.
Page 2
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